When we look back at the historic Germanic tribes that Heathens draw many of their spiritual and philosophical inspirations from, we see a very strong importance placed on friends and family. The Eddas and Sagas are littered with tales of the close bonds of both kith and kin. We can also see, through these tales, a clear distinction between the two.
Whilst honour between friends was treated with great respect and importance, the bonds of blood were so highly valued that it was believed that to break them was to ruin the ‘hamingja’, and cause the unweal, of the whole family.
In Ænglisc, the word ‘cynn’ meant ‘family’ or ‘blood relation’. This refers to all those people with whom you share a blood tie, such as mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles. It also includes those with whom you have been blood-bonded: friends so close you have ritually mingled blood with them to become blood-related. (In Norse mythology, Óðinn and Loki were famously blood brothers.) The state of respect and peace between family members is called ‘sibb’ and it is from this word that we have the modern English word ‘sibling’.
Another Ænglisc word is ‘cȳþþ’. It means ‘friends’ or ‘community’. This refers to those people with whom you have a deep social connection but do not share a blood tie. This would include friends, obviously, but also includes employer-employee relationships and the acknowledgement of key members of the community. Cȳþþ also have a state of respect and peace. This is called ‘friþ’ and was actually far more wide reaching and important than sibb.
Whereas sibb governed familial relations, friþ was the social bond that gave communities stability and security – the two vital things needed to ensure the well being of a community. So strong was the importance of friþ that important communal areas, such as the area around a temple or shrine (hof or hearg), or a court (mōt), were designated ‘friþgeard’ and such places were deemed sanctuary – no violence could occur within.
Breaking friþ was so serious a transgression that a person could be declared ‘ūtlaga’ (outlaw). This stripping of the law would remove all the protections that a person could expect from being part of a community, such as wergild in the event of a transgression against that person. Another term for someone living outside of the law was ‘frēondlēas’ (literally ‘friendless orphan’). To be an ūtlaga was to be truly alone.
To bring this into a modern context, there is a phrase “you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family”. This is generally taken to mean that you have to make the best of what you have, when you have no choice. If looked at from another angle, however, we can see that it can easily mean that choosing your friends is a valuable thing. Choose who you hold friþ with wisely, and your life will be greatly enriched. A close group of friends will have such a strong sense of friþ that they will be there for each other in even the roughest of times.
How much more valuable is a person that chooses to be at your side than one who is there out of a sense of familial obligation?